Breastfeeding

How do I have just enough tolerance to push my 9 pound child out naturally but not enough tolerance to breastfeed for 6 months? I quit breastfeeding and as much as I felt as if I failed as a mother, I didn't. Deciding to breastfeed my child is up to me & my partner.

I tell some people about our choice to formula feed and they understand. They say that they've been there, knew some that has or will just understand for the sake of being a good person. Then there are those that choose to speak their mind. They find it appropriate to explain all the health and emotional benefits of breastfeeding, like I don't know. Some think I wont take the look on their face as personal as if they were to explain the benefits to me but I know the look.  I tried breastfeeding and I cried over not being as successful as I hoped to be some nights. I am finally over feeling like failure. In the end it's my child and my decision on how I want to feed her.

I'm all for giving the child freedom and choice to living their life & it bothered me that I couldn't get a verbal reply from Ila on what she preferred. However, I did read her reaction to trying the sample formula her OB gave to us. She was all for it. Slept the whole night after 4oz.

Two weeks ago Ila was feeding every hour and a half.  I tried to make her wait till the 2 and a half hour mark came around but we hated hearing her cry. I fed her ever hour and a half for a week. She was not a happy baby, she wasn't crying just because she couldn't get enough milk but also because she couldn't sleep enough to have enough energy to stay awake. When I pumped I was only able to squeeze 2 ounces out & by the time it was her turn to eat I couldn't produce any more so I just gave her what I pumped.  Poor girl wanted to eat and sleep constantly but her body wasnt allowing her to.

What happened (came up with this on my own) was that I wasn't producing enough milk because I don't drink enough water.  Such a simple fix that I wasn't able to fix. I hate drinking water unless I want it & I normally don't outside of meals. It was so hard for me to drink half of my body weight in ounces, but I was able to for the 9 months I was pregnant and for the first month of Ila's life. Unfortunately, I needed to drink WAY more to be able to produce enough for my girl to stay satisfied.

Because we didn't want my breasts to get another infection (from Mastitis) we weened her from breast milk. First, we only gave her a bottle if we were out with her. Then I started feeding her during the day while Ev was at work. More & more I gave her the bottle.

Just the other day Ila had her last boob session. Now that she's only on formula, she eats  every 3-4 hours and naps for 3 hours during the day. At night she gets as much as 8 hours! We're still not sleeping through the night every night like we hoped but often enough  we get to join in on her slumber. She's a happy baby now, really though, our daughter is perfect. She's content & calm.  Like I've wrote before,  I've learned her different cries. It's so easy for Ev or I to pop out a bottle & feed her on the road. Little to none frustration in getting the job done.

How are those other benefits? The selfish ones? I'm drinking wine with my boy & going out for cocktails with friends. We went to Vegas this past weekend and had overnight help so we could experience the nightlife together.

Ev & I are still growing as a couple. We want Ila to appreciate that her parents love each other unconditionally and respect one another. By doing this she'll treat the people around her the same way we as a family talk to each other as well as help her become extremely self sufficient. By having no stress from anything feeding related we are able to work on our main goal, a happy family.

Everything's great. My baby is happy, our relationship is fantastic & we finally have Thor back! I only hope that other parents don't feel ashamed of formula feeding and that less folk have the need to express their opinions on it.